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When a buddy who’s going by a tough time calls me on a day when I’m additionally having a tough time, how can I reply in a manner that can enable me to get the remaining I desperately have to get well?

Pricey Miss Manners: I’m in my 50s, and I’ve a problem with my greatest buddy of 35 years. We don’t reside in the identical state anymore, however we discuss a number of occasions every week and attempt to go to yearly.

We’re each artful folks. Two years in the past, I began making her an enormous, stunning, counted cross-stitch, then had it custom-framed. The challenge took a number of months and she or he knew I used to be making it. I drove six hours every approach to ship my present to her.

She supplied (I didn’t ask) to make me a quilt out of T-shirts that I had collected over time from locations I had been. So I lower the logos/graphics off the shirts and mailed them to her. She stated it might solely take her a couple of week to make the quilt.

That was two years in the past. My buddy nonetheless has not made the quilt.

I’ve since moved even farther away, I miss dwelling, and I actually need that quilt! I’ve requested her about it a number of occasions. It could imply a lot to me — particularly now that I’m over 1,000 miles away — however she simply makes empty guarantees about ending it. In the meantime, she has discovered the time to make different crochet and cross-stitch objects for her prolonged household and to rework her kitchen.

So now, she has these T-shirt items that I can’t exchange, and I nonetheless don’t have any quilt. I am very harm about the entire thing, and I want to ask her to ship the items again to me. Not less than that manner, I might rent somebody to make me a quilt out of them.

Am I being unreasonable? Ought to I ask her to ship the items again to me if she doesn’t plan to make my quilt?

“Ever because you talked about that quilt, I’ve dreamt of getting it, with all of these priceless recollections, on my wall. However I understand how busy you might be, so if you happen to wouldn’t thoughts returning the T-shirts, I believe I’ll take a stab at doing it myself.”

After which Miss Manners suggests you ship an oversize self-addressed stamped envelope in order that your buddy has no excuse — and in order that you do not want to journey one other 1,000 miles.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by Saturday on washingtonpost.com/recommendation. You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, missmanners.com. It’s also possible to comply with her @RealMissManners.